


The 1000th floor

by AScienceKatNamedFloof



Series: 1000 floors of random [1]
Category: (more will be added as this goes along), Homestuck
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 04:05:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15699804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AScienceKatNamedFloof/pseuds/AScienceKatNamedFloof
Summary: Staying alive while your boss/detective/crime boss? Drags you along on all sorts of stupid adventures is fun, but what’s even more fun is how there’s no escape from this madnessWelcome to a high quality shitpost(character tags and fandom tags will be added as the stoey progresses)





	The 1000th floor

**Author's Note:**

> welcome weary travelers

Perhaps making this universe was a mistake.

Actually, being way too high while making this universe was the real mistake.

Hyraxe took a sip of her weed doritos in a cup, and looked over her city.

It was a weird looking city, the result of too many builders with infinite resources and stupid ideas. There was a Stark tower, right next to a bright green liquor store, right next to a bucket shaped palace.

But it wasn’t really the buildings that caught the god’s eye, it was the scene happening right outside of one.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Feferi loves fish! She loves them so much! They’re super cute! And they make cute glubby noises, so when someone threatens to shoot a fish, she takes it very seriously.

“G- GET BACK, I’LL SHOOT, I SWEAR,” the human yelled.

The witch of life glared at the man who dare threaten the greatest lifeform to ever exist. She shifted her grip on the cullin’ fork, and prepared to stab.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Meanwhile, the rest of the bucket patrol were being lazy and/or considering murdering one another

“tHIS IS WWHY NOBODY FUCKING LOVVES YOU,” Eridan screamed at Aradia, looking like a pissy 5-year old.

The rustblood smirked at the screaming prince, enraging the idiot further. With a dramatic sweep of his purple violet cape, he left, muttering something about mass genocide. Like usual, nobody cared.

Kanaya hung up the phone she had been previously chatting on. 

“Cronus Will Be Late With Groceries Some Time Shenanigans Happened Again And Hes Being Held At Gunpoint”

Karkat promptly flipped a table, and Nepeta screamed “NOT AGAIN,” all was normal in their household.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

“But none of this really mattered at the moment, for it is time to introduce our main characters,” a figure said, currently sitting in the shadows for dramatic effect.

A short troll on the other side of the simple wooden desk nervously raised his hand.

“What is it assistant?”

The yellowblood pointed at the walls “what the fuck”

It looked like every window had been replaced with a door, which they had.

“Don’t ‘what the fuck’ me mister, you're pointing at my hella collection of doors”

The figure leaned forward and out of the shadows as they spoke, showing off their features, the figure, or female, looked human enough, if you ignored the short horns, and small insect-like wings.

The assistant looked confused, but realised that asking further questions might end badly, so he shut up.

“Aaaaanyway, we have to introduce ourselves or something”

“Um, what does the script say?”

“.......I might of eaten it awhile ago” the lady said, without a shred of guilt.

“Why”

“You do strange things after drinking liquor mixed with melted lead”

“ _ **Why**_ ”

“Lesson one new assistant! Don’t ever go drinking with a strange man in whiterun!”

The assistant wrote this down, he didn’t feel like losing another job!

“Lesson two!! Don’t ever go to floor 888!!”

The assistant continued to write.

“Lesson three!! Let’s go on a tour!!”

The lady grabbed the assistant by the wrist, stealing his pen in the process, and dragged him to the door/window.

The short yellowblood stumbled over the carpet, “w-wait!! You haven’t even told me what my job is yet! Or your name! Or anything!”

“Your job!!” the lady yelled, hopping out the window/door, dragging the assistant with her, “is to help me with everything I need help with!!”

A green light glowed around the lady as she fell, and her witch of doom pajamas appeared. She swerved, and flew towards a lower window of the same building. The assistant, still being dragged, yelped as the lady chucked him into the window.

The assistant yelled again as he bounced off, the lady re-grabbed him before he fell down too far.

“Dammit, they bulletproofed it” the lady mumbled before facing the terrified assistant “and you can call me ‘the boss’ or ‘the detective’ or whatever, I honestly don’t care!”

The assistant made a mental note, before being thrown back at the window, which surprisingly didn’t break.

“Ok so, tour is on pause!!” the boss yelled, “new lesson! Breaking bulletproof glass!”

The assistant quietly regretted his life choices.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

On the ground, a guy wearing a white suit watched the poor kid learn how to use a battering ram mid-air. 

he sighed, and continued walking to mcdonalds, because he was hungry and it was cheap.

The small black phone in his pocket rang, and he picked it up instantly.

“So, anything interesting to report” the person on the other end asked in a bored voice

“Well the asshat got a new assistant”

“Any information so far?”

“Mage of void, yellowblood, look to be about…. 9 sweeps”

“What the fuck are sweeps”

“19 years” the man said, sighing again.

“Ok, cool, cool……. I’ll kill him tomorrow”

“He looks a bit more durable than the last idiot”

“Nah I got this. Aaaaaanyways, mom’s being a bitch again, so adios”

The person hung up quickly, and the man put the phone away and ordered 2 kid’s meals. This was going to be a long day.

**Author's Note:**

> helloooooo, this is my first-ish..... idk if it's a fanfic the only reason any homestuck characters are here is because of that one youtube video, the popo, watch it.
> 
> (yes, most/all of the chapters will be set up in this chunk format thing)
> 
> anyways, tell any criticism or what you liked or whatever in the comments (or your favorite ice cream flavor)
> 
> have a spoopy day  
> -floof


End file.
